Joy in the Struggle

Have you had that rock bottom moment where everything you thought to be true about your life vanishes and you are left shattered into a million pieces?  Left with just you and a huge mess to process and walk through.  That moment for me was a year ago, the world as I knew it came crashing down and I was left in a dark hole, so deep it seemed impossible to get out.  I couldn’t see anything from down there.  I was shaken to the core.  I had no sense of reality because what I thought my life was, I found out, was not at all what was actually there.  The only thing I knew at that moment was that I was completely broken and in so much pain.  This thing that had just crashed into my life was way too big for me to handle.  I also knew I would never be the same because of it.  The only thing I could do was cling to God.  I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the next 60 seconds let alone make it until morning.

So today is the last day of January.  A month we reflect on our previous year and dream/plan for the year to come.  We look at who we are and where we are.  We find areas of improvement and we set goals to make us better.  Looking back on my last year I’d like to say that I walked through the mess that was my life gracefully but the truth is, I didn’t!  There were many days I threw tantrums like a 2 year old.  Ok…lets be real,  I’d like to say I’ve kicked the tantrums but that was me literally 2 days ago.  I spent months crying all day trying to sort out the pain and asking God why? or telling God it wasn’t fair(there’s the 2 year old again).  But looking back at my last year I am filled with joy that I’m sitting here writing this.  I made it through 365 days and I’m able to start to communicate some of this.

You see, being completely broken like that gives us a chance to be put back together.  The refining that happens when we walk through the pain with God is really what makes us whole in the end.  I realized that I was just living on the surface before.  I was living from a place of what everyone else told me to do, or what society said I should be.  I was living from a place of what others thought of me.  There was no authenticity.  No room at all for what I thought or wanted.  I found out that I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted because I had not listened to me or allowed myself to be.

My journey to wholeness is far from complete.  If I had to put a number on it I would say I’m less than 10% put back together.  I want to share my journey with you.  Maybe my story will help someone out there not feel alone in their rock bottom.  Maybe my journey will inspire you or maybe putting my story out there and being vulnerable and authentic will hold the key to heal a few broken pieces and bring me one step closer to wholeness and true being.

The Lord has shown me some precious truths during this time of struggle and pain.  If you are struggling right now, take comfort that you are not alone!  God is right there with you and He cares about your pain.

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 56:8 – You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in a bottle.  You have recorded each in your book.

He sees your struggle and knows your heart.  Even if you are so broken you don’t know where to turn or what to pray the Holy Spirit knows what you need and will pray on your behalf.

Romans 8:26 – In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.